Cuffing season is here, but it looks kinda different than it used to
It’s been a tough few weeks for single girlies — especially if you’re manifesting someone to spend cuffing season with. From the Andrew Garfield and Amelia Dimoldenberg Chicken Shop Date to the new pics of Dua Lipa and internet boyfriend Callum Turner, every time I go on the internet, I’m inundated with cute couple content. That’s not even to mention the Halloween parade of couples’ costumes.
As daylight savings time ends, we can feel a shift in pretty much every facet of our lives. The fall vibes go from anticipatory and cozy — what TikTok dubs “hoa hoa hoa” season for the urge to curl up watching the Twilight series and other fall favorite films — to depression-inducing. A 4:30pm sunset cannot be good for my mental health…
People make fewer plans in favor of staying in and the cold weather makes us all want to retreat to our beds and curl up for warmth. But what if you don’t have to do it alone? This is the logic behind cuffing season. As darkness descends earlier each evening, a palpable shift occurs in the dating landscape. Instead of savoring the independence of “hot girl summer,” last summer’s “brat summer” encouraged partying, lawlessness, and embracing our youth. Then there’s the demure dating vibe of cuffing season.
But is it just me or is the couple’s content louder than ever? We’re in the era of The Girlfriend, where our favorite celebs are leaning into the public nature of their relationships for PR and viral moments rather than insisting on their privacy. Sure, some couples are only spotted by nosy fans on DeuxMoi (no judgment, DeuxMoi’s Sunday Spotted makes my world go around), but more and more couples are embracing the spectacle of their dating lives so that they benefit.
Just look at the resurgence of the WAG (stands for “Wives and Girlfriends”) thanks to Taylor Swift. Taylor, who’s kept her relationships mostly private except in her songs — and once even hid in a suitcase to prevent being seen — has fully embraced the public nature of her relationship and her status as an American football WAG. From smashing breakup rumors in their tracks by stomping up to her rightful place in her box at the Chiefs stadium at the beginning of the season to bringing out Travis for a cameo during her Eras tour, Swift has made her relationship an integral part of her brand. And in doing so, redefined what relationships look like not just for celebrities — but for us mere mortals, too.
Celebrity couples aren’t new. Neither are PR couples. But in the age of social media, we’re experiencing it like never before. We can see the paparazzi shots and social posts as well as sneaky pictures taken by fans. And with all this overexposure, celebs are using it to their advantage. I’ll never get over the genius of Kylie Jenner flashing her phone background to reveal a photo of Timothee Chalamet — and that was how they hard-launched their relationship. An absolute masterclass in virality. Then going from rendezvous in blacked out Escalades to smooching at the Golden Globes, PDA is back and bigger than ever, friends!
Sabrina Carpenter, chronically online queen, never kept her relationship with Barry Keoghan a secret, but avoided going public for weeks, fueling the fire with “rumored” rendezvous that were sure to be spotted by fans. Then, after going public, their relationship went viral for his appearance at her shows and especially Bar’s appearance in her “Please Please Please” music video. How’s that for leaning in? Mind you, this was after she wrote a whole album about Shawn Mendes…
We’re also in the age of podcasts and TikTok. Couples bombard us with their cuteness by talking about their significant other in podcasts or doing couples trends on TikTok. And it’s never who you’d expect — Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco love to be on TikTok together.
So where does that leave us? What used to be cringe couple’s content when your random hometown friends did it is now cosigned by your favorite celeb. The girl from your high school whose entire personality was dating a football player totally send pictures of Taylor to her friends with the caption: “she’s so me.” And while it’s easy to sneer or look away from a couple’s content in the spring and summer when you’re enjoying your singleness, cuffing season arrives and provides the urge to text our old flames or scroll through dating apps at every hour of the day.
Inundated with every celebrity’s relationship soft launch, I can’t lie: I’m yearning. Watching fall romance movies, I can’t help but think, “Me and who?” And when I see candid paparazzi shots (if there is such a thing) of Gracie Abrams and Paul Mescal — the finger bite heard around the world — or Dua Lipa and Callum Turner, I sigh wistfully in want of my own London boy fall.
Even reality TV — traditionally a bastion of dramatic relationships — has pivoted. Shows like Love Is Blind are way more popular than The Bachelor — although my love for Love Island will never be surpassed. And the few couples that make it out of these shows are the very definition of relationship goals, at least according to their booming social media presence.
With all this romance shoved in our faces, it’s impossible to look away. No wonder cuffing season seems attractive to me in my weaker moments. But when I shake myself out of a yearning stupor, I can’t help but wonder if cuffing season as we knew it even makes sense in the current dating landscape.
Has Cuffing Season Changed?
To talk about how cuffing season has changed, we have to understand how brat summer changed the single landscape. Charli’s party girl anthems resonate with so many people it shot our girl into the mainstream, injecting every club and radio with instant club classics. But unlike the brainless pop of industry plants (*cough* Addison Rae), in addition to being a master DJ and producer, Charli is an authentic songwriter. So the message of these songs wasn’t just about partying — though there was a lot of that. But beneath the synth beats, the songs are about belonging, acceptance, and yes, settling down to have a family.
Even the hot girls are yearning! At the same time, more and more people are finding joy in being happily single. The rise of solo travel and discourse about friend groups means that people are de-centering romantic relationships in their lives. Many people aren’t waiting for a relationship to enjoy themselves. And singledom doesn’t seem like the curse that 90s rom-coms make it out to be.
People who are looking for relationships, are looking for something different. Whether it’s a low commitment and open relationship or high-commitment monogamy, people are being up front about what they want and refusing to settle for less. So if you want to be a Taylor Swift-style Girlfriend, you’re going to have to ask for it. But if you want to maintain your freedom while having someone to keep you warm, dating apps are your playground.
So where does cuffing season fit into this? The sort of temporary arrangements that the term denotes doesn’t sync much with the contemporary dating scene. An approximation of real connection, it offers little more than a short-lived solution to people seeking real relationships. But it can often be more than happily single people or commitment-averse people want.
Until now, cuffing season was a solidified dating truth so embedded in the culture that TikTokers even created an unofficial cuffing season schedule.
The traditional cuffing season schedule follows a predictable pattern:
– August: Scouting Phase
– September: Drafting Period
– October: Tryouts
– November: Preseason
– December-January: Peak Cuffing Season
– January-February: Playoffs
– February 14: Championship Game (Valentine’s Day)
The thought process behind this schedule (which was created in jest but really does have some truth to it) was that couples that made it past Valentine’s Day were successful. However, couples who realized the only thing keeping them together was the cold would break up in late January, early February — just in time for hot girl spring and summer. However, now, people are way less willing to put up with a subpar partner just to have someone.
Overall, relationship standards are higher and people — especially women — aren’t willing to settle for the first warm body they stumble over. Did you hear me, I’ve been yearning! I don’t want some lackluster seasonal fling. I want what I see in movies and in my favorite celeb couples. If it’s not TomDaya, I don’t want it — not matter how cold it gets. And many girls are on the same page.
A February 2024 Pew Research Center survey revealed that only 38% of single women are actively looking to date or pursue relationships, compared to 61% of single men. This striking disparity is reshaping dating dynamics. The growing trend embracing singleness has also been accompanied by people embracing celibacy. Even celebrities like Julia Fox, Khloé Kardashian, and Kate Hudson, have publicly embraced periods of voluntary celibacy. This movement represents a broader trend of women prioritizing personal growth and independence over romantic relationships, even during the traditional cuffing season.
Just take the reactions to this summer’s Bumble ad poking fun of the #VolCel — voluntary celibacy — community. Bumble took out billboards proclaiming that celibacy wasn’t the answer, only to receive backlash from people saying actually. .. it might be.
And no wonder people would rather be celibate than shack up with the first person they meet. The 2024 election has revealed a lot of ugly in the dating pool. And women are asserting their rights not to be with someone who would vote against their rights.
Financial Times analysis revealed a widening gender divide among Gen Z, with young women becoming increasingly liberal while young men either become more conservative or remain static in their views. This polarization isn’t helped by alt-right self-proclaimed “alphas” and trad-wives standing ten toes down on harmful, archaic views of dating. If that’s what’s waiting on dating apps, I’d rather rewatch When Harry Met Sally.
With these higher standards for potential partners, there’s been a shift in viewing relationships as optional rather than mandatory life components. The once-dreaded “single during the holidays” status is increasingly preferred to settling for misaligned partnerships. So your cuffing season holidate is no longer a must-have.
But I can’t deny the urge to cozy up to someone during cuffing season. These shifts might signal an evolution of the term, not the end of the cultural phenomenon altogether. Rather than following a predetermined seasonal schedule, more people are prioritizing authentic connections that align with their values and goals, regardless of the weather.
People want someone to stick around after Valentine’s Day, or at least someone whose Vote they won’t have to cancel out. And the current cuffing landscape prioritizes a warm body over a real connection. Not anymore. This more intentional approach might mean fewer seasonal relationships overall, but potentially more meaningful connections when they do occur.
