It’s time to pop the champagne, y’all! Why? My best friend Jonathan just got engaged to the love of his life, Zachary. 

While Jonathan has been pushing Zachary to attend weekly couples therapy sessions with him, Zach gets all stiff and uncomfortable whenever the subject comes up. 

“Couples therapy is a last resort,” Zachary once said during our one-on-one coffee date. “It’s what couples do when they’re desperate, miserable, and on the brink of divorce.”  

“Says who?” I asked him, challengingly.

“Says every couple I’ve ever known before getting divorced.”

I sipped my matcha latte in deep thought. “Well, maybe if they had couples therapy before tying the knot,” I began, “they wouldn’t need it during their marriage.” 

“Can you stop saying ‘couples therapy’ so loudly?” Zachary whispered. “People will hear.” I watched Zachary from across the table as he anxiously rubbed his temples. I could tell he was stressed out by the mere idea of professional help, as though just saying ‘couples therapy’ out loud was some kind of taboo curse word.

It was then that I began to notice the generational gap between us for the very first time. While I was fortunate enough to grow up in a time when therapy was normalized, he grew up in a period when seeking help was heavily stigmatized. 

“It’s not like Jonathan and I even need couples therapy,” Zachary continued. “Sure, we have a few kinks we need to work out, but doesn’t every couple?”

It wasn’t a lie. Zachary and Jonathan were practically a perfect pair. There’s a reason why everyone we know calls them ‘Pinterest Couple Goals’ IRL, since their relationship is essentially a Hallmark movie. But even the adorable couples crowding up your Pinterest feed have issues they must work out behind the scenes. As Zachary mentioned, every couple does. 

So why not seek therapy for it?

Which Couples Should Seek Therapy Before Marriage?

From Zachary’s perspective, couples therapy is a “last resort” for those who are on the brink of divorce. For him, and many other people in his age group, they think seeking couples therapy is a “desperate measure,” therefore suggesting “desperate times.” But the truth is, seeking professional counseling from a relationship-based therapist doesn’t have to be a “last resort” scenario. Instead, it can be a helping hand from a third party who cares about your best interests as a couple, providing the tools necessary for when (or if) the waters do get choppy down the road.

It’s like when you’re on an airplane, and the flight attendant tells you what to do in case of an emergency. While an emergency is extremely unlikely, knowing what to do just in case is good. So why should we treat potential relationship-based “emergencies” any differently? Instead of thinking of couples therapy as something reserved explicitly for “code red” relationships that are about to crash and burn, consider it a tool for the eventual pitfalls that all marriages are at risk of.

But it doesn’t matter whether you and your SO are headed towards Splitsville, or if you’re the ultimate “Pinterest Couple Goals” like my besties, Jonathan and Zachary. Regardless of where you currently stand on the relationship spectrum, it’s always a good idea to work out problems before they see the light of day. 

Couples Therapy Can Help Resolve Future Issues (Before They Happen)

The beauty of couples therapy is that it can help you foresee and smooth potential bumps down the road that you haven’t even considered before seeking professional help. 

This happened with Jonathan and Zachary when they ultimately attended their first therapy session. While there wasn’t much to work out in their current dynamic, they realized through one session that they had very different ideas on how they wanted to parent future children. 

While Zachary wants strict rules about education and social media use for their future kiddos, Jonathan hopes to adopt a more laissez-faire parenting style. If they hadn’t had the opportunity to uncover this little bump in counseling, there’s a chance this would lead to heated arguments when they realized they both had different goals for their parental roles.

Why Gen-Z is Normalizing Couples Therapy Before Tying The Knot

It’s safe to say the pendulum has swung regarding how we perceive therapy. While no more than two decades ago, the idea of “seeing a shrink” was considered hush-hush due to stigmatization, nowadays, the idea of not going to therapy is what’s widely considered taboo. However, younger generations strongly endorse professional help, while older millennials, Gen X, and boomers hesitate to jump on the therapy train. 

Why are Gen Z and younger millennials so quick to book their next couples therapy session? Mainly, it’s so they don’t have to repeat their parents’ mistakes. Of course, no one who gets married ever perceives getting divorced down the line. But statistically speaking, divorce rates have gone down. 

With 39% of couples in therapy, could this new trend of airing everything out within the confines of a professional setting be why relationships are thriving more than ever?

There’s nothing to be ashamed of for wanting extra help from an unbiased professional. If anything, getting couples therapy at any stage of your relationship is something to be proud of. It means you care!