Turns out there is a link between loneliness and nightmares. Real Simple’s Rhia Bhagwat wrote about a recent Oregon State University study that examines the uneasy relationship between disturbing dreams and the all-alone-and-empty-feeling blues.
A few ground rules. Loneliness isn’t the same as being alone. We all feel lonely at one time or another. This kind of loneliness, Bhagwat says, “can take many shapes, from not having meaningful relationships to feeling unsupported in stressful situations to fearing the idea of connecting with others.”
Bhagwat spoke with clinical psychologist Dr. Vanessa Kennedy. “Loneliness is a distressing feeling of isolation or lack of connected, trusting relationships,” she explains. And “while loneliness is common from time to time, pervasive loneliness that is affecting your mood or quality of life warrants attention to address the problem.”
One sign to look out for is impaired sleep, especially if it ends in nightmares which tend to appear in deeper sleep states, involve the subconscious, and reflect external factors such as “stress, anxiety, or exposure to trauma.”
Another source of loneliness is the automatic negative thoughts one may have about themselves, others, or about social interactions in general. Racing thoughts can present in the early morning hours and contribute to hyperarousal and lack of sleep — a perfect recipe for nightmares.
But how does loneliness figure in? Though we all deal with stress and anxiety, not all of us have the kind of support systems that help us through tough emotional times. To put it bluntly, some of us are lonely. The emotional and physical effects can really take a toll on the lonely ones.
How to change this? Bhagwat offers a list of remedies to combat loneliness and get more sleep:
Get outside once a day — walk to the store, go to the park, take the dog for a walk — all terrific ways to connect with people and dampen those feelings of loneliness.
Community Events
As the great Arthur Ashe said, “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”
If you want to meet new friends, check out local community events and then be intentional about volunteering or attending on a regular basis. The great thing about getting engaged with your community is that it benefits the area where you reside but it also contributes to your personal wellbeing.
Whether you’re seeking support for anxiety, depression, addiction, or another mental health issue, attending a support group can be a beneficial step toward healing.
When compared to text-based communication, weekly voice calls with family and loved ones can significantly reduce stress and encourage empathy as well as emotional resilience. The sound of a human voice can soothe anxiety and lower cortisol levels so individuals feel understood and supported.
Plus, voice calls provide instant feedback, engagement, and the conveyance of empathy — all key to more meaningful and effective conversations.
Talk therapy can help you get to the root of your trouble. “Defining the roots of your loneliness may help you to work on them and identify strategies to improve them,” says Dr. Kennedy.
And in the COVID and post-COVID worlds the need for such remedies has only increased.
The UC Health website — part of the University of Cincinnati’s Medical Center — quotes Surgeon General of the United States Dr. Vivek H. Murthy who, in a 2023 Report, speaks directly about the ways in which loneliness and isolation harm….
“both individual and societal health. It is associated
with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia,
stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death....
And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks
social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces,
and civic organizations, where performance, productivity,
and engagement are diminished.”
Dr. Stephen Rush, Faculty Psychiatrist with the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neuroscience, points out the double whammy effect of the pandemic. “Stay-at-home orders resulted in people isolating themselves, and in a time of heightened anxiety...keeping yourself isolated was actually a way of protecting yourself...The internal message became that being alone protects me from these things that are scary and out of my control. And that's now become a habit that is really hard to break.”
As terrifying as they can be, nightmares aren’t the worst things caused by loneliness, but they can serve as a wake-up call to recognize and break the habits that ruin our sleep and threaten our individual and collective health.
So, wake up. Take care of yourself, your sleep, your dreams, and keep those nightmares at bay.