Just a few days back, I had a rather tense phone call with my close friend, Evelyn. After casually mentioning to her that I don’t have any desire to be a mother, I was met with a long, awkward, strained silence on the other end of the line. 

Have I said something wrong? I immediately panicked. Did I say something offensive? 

Turns out, I had — apparently. The pause on the other end of the line was so weighted, I knew our call was about to take a dramatic twist. A lecture was on its way. Then Evelyn informed me — quite frostily — that my choice to be child-free is sad. 

According to my friend, the notion of a woman living her entire life without a family of her own goes against nature. She insisted that one day — when I’m in my late 40s, she’s convinced — I’ll be filled with angst and regret over my decision. And when I’m an elderly woman with no one but a disgruntled nursing home staff to take care of me? Forget it. 

The future Evelyn had painted for me was bleak, tragic, lonesome, and desperate. She lectured me that I’d spend the rest of my days living like some isolated social pariah in the foxed pages of a Virginia Woolf novel.

Despite the fact that I self-identify as a “sensitive little snowflake” who gets offended by the slightest shift in the wind, I was surprised by how completely unruffled her words made me. Instead, all her spiel did was make me chuckle in amusement. But why was I so unoffended? 

Honestly, I think it’s due to the simple fact that I’m 100% confident in my plan not to have kiddos. If I was a bit more on the fence about this choice, her words would have struck a chord. But because I know in my bones that I’m comfy with my decision to “take the road less traveled,” my guy Robert Frost says, it will make “all the difference.” 

Why I Choose to be Child-Free

Let me start off by saying people choose not to have children for many different reasons. While some women are more logistical about it — think: demanding careers, not wanting to pass down a mental/physical illness — others let their inherent personality traits factor into their decision to be child-free. With this in mind, don’t assume all women must have “parenthood” reflected in the crystal ball. 

The reasons why I choose to go child-free are completely specific to me, myself, and I, so not all of my choices on this list will apply to everyone on this path. So, lemme fill you in on why I’m 1000% comfortable with my decision. And I’m never looking back. 

I Can Travel Wherever, Whenever

One of the great joys of being a woman without anyone to hold me down is the glittering freedom that sparkles in the palm of my hands. Instead of the constraints that come from tending to the little ones all day long, as a child-free woman, I have the liberty to do as I please.

I’m not saying that mothers are banned from being able to pack up their SPF, sunhats, and swimsuits just like everyone else. But it’s no secret that people with children — esp. young ones — feel an obligation to stay at home.

But with my choice to go child-free — at a moment’s notice — I can stroll the cobblestone streets of Paris while gazing at the Eiffel Tower above as I savor another sip of French Wine. I can explore Amsterdam’s Van Gogh Museum, soaking in the sunflower exhibit without having to worry about whether my son got his science project turned in on time. 

I can visit an olive oil-scented tavern in Greece overlooking the azure blue waters, with a Greek Tragedy in one hand, and a sumptuous grape leaf in the other. And as I read my book while munching on delicious old-world cuisine, I’ll contemplate exploring the ancient ruins of the Temple of Zeus high on Mount Olympus. All without the weighted worry and guilt that something could go terribly wrong at home without me being there to take care of the kiddos.  

More Freedom to Indulge in My Passions and Creative Projects

As a creative, I make sure to lose myself in my artistic craft whenever I have downtime. Because this is a seminal value of mine, I don’t want to risk getting resentful towards my kids for taking time away from my creative passions. This wouldn’t be remotely fair to my hypothetical children, because once you’re a mother, your kids’ needs come first. 

I know myself well enough to acknowledge that I care too much about having the freedom to indulge in my writing, music, or watercolor paintings. I don’t wanna lose that precious time.  

I Care About Maintaining My Individuality

For some mothers, it’s very easy to maintain a strong sense of self once they have children. But for other moms out there, they’ve admitted to leaving their true identity behind so they can assume their parental role. When the majority of your time is dedicated to others, it’s easy to forget how to cultivate your sense of self. 

While this loss of identity definitely won’t apply to all mothers, I’m aware that it applies to enough moms that I don’t wanna take the chance. I’m okay with sounding selfish when I admit that I care way too much about my identity.          

Being Alone Stimulates Me

As a tried and true introvert, I feel the most stimulated intellectually and even emotionally when I’m indulging in solitude. Whether that’s from reading a book, writing a novel, listening to music, or educating myself about a totally new topic, I just really enjoy those moments where I can be lost in my thoughts and my passions. 

I’ve even gone on several solo-travel vacation trips, and they’ve been some of the most impactful, soul-searching experiences of my life. 

My alone time is very much needed — and in heavy doses. So it wouldn’t be fair to my hypothetical children — who’d deserve much of my time, care, and attention. If I were to become a mother, I’d constantly feel a wave of guilt whenever I’d shut out my responsibilities to read a book or listen to my music. Yet I care way too much about these moments of guilt-free solitude to let them go.  As such, I don’t need a family unit to feel complete. I, alone, complete myself.     

I Care More About Being an Artist Than a Mother

One of the arguments I constantly hear from child-free naysayers is that you’ll end up dying alone without leaving a legacy. But this simply isn’t true. In many cases, women who decide not to become mothers are insanely creative. This personality trait likely makes them more content to be alone with their imagination — and no need for companions to feel comfortable. Highly imaginative and creative women often make the best artists, and their artwork becomes a lasting legacy, which is a beautiful thing.

Ars Longa, Vita Brevis — aka: Art withstands the test of time. I’m super comfy with my own mortality without the dreaded fears of “not leaving anything behind.” Artwork can move people, shift perspectives, induce empathy, and literally change people’s lives. If that isn’t enough of a mark to leave behind through the eyes of child-free judgers, then so be it. But to me — and many artistic women — their art projects are their babies. 

Women can be both, sure — there are countless females out there who’ve managed to be the best mothers and artists all at once. But in most cases, the balancing act is too difficult, so it’s a lot less effort to simply choose one.  

I Never Wanted to be a Mother

Last but certainly not least, the main reason why I have no plans of being a mother is because it’s something I’ve never desired. Ever. I was constantly told by well-meaning loved ones, “Just wait a few years. You’ll see.” As if some mothering instinct was just waiting to bust out. But it never did. Not once. And although I have all the respect in the world for the badass women out there who are mothers, I also see the sheer beauty in those who choose the child-free path. 

My Choice to Go Child-Free Isn’t Shameful

It’s time to debunk the myth once and for all that women who abandon the motherhood ship are inherently shameful. There’s this toxic idea that’s been floating around since the dawn of time that women who aren’t mothers are less womanly than those who do. In the past, women were burned at the stake and accused of being witches for not having babies. Although the stakes are less now — STFU to those grumbly uncles wagging their finger at your progressive lifestyle during holiday gatherings — it’s still ever present. Even my most well-meaning friends are still under the impression that I’ll one day change my mind and end up popping out a whole family.  

But I’m not remotely ashamed of my decision, because I know in my heart of hearts that it’s the most authentic path for me. What would be shameful though is dedicating my life to starting a family just because it’s expected of me as a woman. So I refuse to do something simply because it’s the next step.

I Feel Empowered By My Decision 

Final thoughts: I want to debunk the myth once and for all that child-free women don’t appreciate motherhood. As a proud child-free gal, I see moms as the most beautiful, selfless, and strong individuals to ever grace this planet. There is so much warmth and unconditional love between a mother and her baby. And from personal experience, I’m closer to my mom than I am to anyone on this earth. Our bond is completely irreplaceable, and my value for her only grows stronger as the years go by. 

But mom-hood is just not my journey. And that shouldn’t be seen as a shame.