Unless you stay home like a hermit this holiday season, you’re gonna be trapped in at least one conversation you wish had never started. It might be that co-worker who can’t stop talking about Paris Hilton – how passé. It could be that uncle who insists ancient Aztecs control the economy. How about that neighbor who insists on sharing every…single…detail of a trip to that exotic destination known as Montclair, NJ. One way or another, you’re going to have to shoot the breeze with people you know, people you don’t know, or people you wish you didn’t.
Luckily there’s help. CNBC’s Aditi Shrikant offers reluctant or inexperienced talkers 12 suggestions to help make small talk less painful. Try Shrikant’s tips and…. who knows? You might even enjoy yacking with friends, family members, strangers, and even narcissists:
Don’t try to be cool – Or deep
A simple question about the party venue or who the other person may know at the gathering is more than enough to get things rolling. Save your brilliance for your novel. Lao Tzu once famously observed that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. A holiday conversation begins with a single question.
Tweak the boring questions
As the man says, a low-key question doesn’t have to equal a boring one. Switch things up. Shrikant quotes some terrific examples from Nicholas Epley – a psychology professor from the University of Chicago:
- Instead of “Are you married?” try, “Tell me about your family.”
- Instead of “Do you have any hobbies?” ask, “If you could learn anything, what would it be?”
- Instead of “Where did you go to high school?” ask, “What advice would you give a high schooler?”
- Instead of “Where are you from?” ask, “What’s the best thing about where you grew up?”
Focus on the other person
This is key to making small talk meaningful. Pay attention to the person who’s answering the question you just posed. Simple, but hard to do sometimes – especially in social situations where you feel awkward. Still, it’s worth the effort. We all want to feel that we’re being heard. So listen.
Put your phone away
You do it by instinct, I bet – check your phone every few minutes. Who doesn’t? But when conversing leave the phone alone. You’re not focusing on someone if you’re scrolling through texts or placing next week’s meal kit order. You’d think this would be obvious, but no – people do it to you. Don’t do it to others.
The pandemic tore the world asunder and left many of us lacking in social graces. The bold and the brash are far more subdued, the shy and silent only more so. One could argue that COVID made introverts of us all. That’s why Introvert, Dear’s guide to holiday survival will come in handy as we fight our way through to January 2nd. Morgan Redding offers six ways introverts can navigate the troubled waters of social intercourse. Here are two I found particularly helpful.
Bring a dish or a bottle
We’re looking at getting conversations going – something simple and easy works well. You don’t have to cook the dish, so don’t stress about your lack of culinary skills. Try bringing a recipe that you have a strong connection to, something that evokes a vivid memory. For instance, a bottle of Woodford Reserve will remind you of the first time you savored it – at Churchill Downs (home of the Kentucky Derby). This is sure to serve as a fantastic conversation starter.
Engage in one-on-one convos
You don’t have to be introverted to benefit from this gem of advice. We’ve all felt overwhelmed in social situations, and that can take a real toll on our ability to find our feet. One way to combat that is to choose the just-you-just-me conversational option. As Redding says, there are others who are also hungry for an alternative to texting and group chats and will welcome a chance for a direct, unmediated gab fest.
Relax, breathe deep, smile
It’s not as tough as you think. Like dental work, the holiday gathering will come to an end, eventually. Remember, you’re among friends – or friendly strangers. Nobody goes to a party for a bad time. Take it easy, ask a few simple but effective questions, really listen to what’s being said…and you might just have the time of your life.
