“Why? Because she’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there, huh? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? I mean, Greg, it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.”
Ah, Cousin Greg. Succession’s ultimate himbo who just can’t seem to dovetail into the corporate conglomerate world no matter how hard he tries. In Season 4’s debut, Cousin Greg (Nicolas Braun) brings a date to Logan Roy’s (Brian Cox) birthday party…big mistake for one half of The Disgusting Brothers.
The issue Tom Wambsgans (Matthew Macfayden) has with Greg The Egg’s Tinder date, Bridget, isn’t that he’s jealous…it’s that she’s clearly trying too hard to fit in. Tom delivers the most iconic quip about poor Bridget’s Burberry tote that she probably wore because it was the most expensive thing in her closet. However, anyone sickeningly wealthy could tell you she obviously made the wrong choice.
The Burberry Vintage Leather Check Satchel Bag may be valued at around $2,900, but we live in a world of Birkins. While Bridget’s tote may have been the talk of the party if she hung out with me, it was an eyesore amongst the likes of the Roy family. Do you think Gerri would be caught dead with a vintage Burberry as opposed to Gucci’s understated Jackie?
To the upper echelons of society, there’s no worse crime than sporting a tote bag to a high society function. What could you possibly need in your bag besides your black card and perhaps a mirror? A clutch certainly would’ve been more suitable.
But surely Shiv (Sarah Snook) doesn’t carry a bag so large that it could be used to complete a heist during her father’s birthday (if she were to show up). And would Roman (Kiernan Culkin) or Kendall (Jeremy Strong) be caught dead with such a crass woman?
But let’s be honest here, Tom Wambsgans. There is nothing more satisfying than a Mary Poppins-esque bag. What if my makeup runs midday and I need a touchup? What’s going to hold a towel, a change of clothes, and my water bottle on the beach?
Ludicrously capacious bags serve both men and women. My gargantuan bag indeed carries my lunch pail, a sweater in case the office gets cold, flat shoes for the subway, and I’d probably store egregious amounts of cash in it if I had the access.
There’s nothing more satisfying than running errands and having my hands free. If I can make multiple stops only using my gigantic tote bag, then I consider it a success.
And while a tote bag may not be the most functional “going out bag,” it certainly serves its purpose at all other hours of the day. If you’re in the market for the nightmarish, ludicrously capacious bag, here are some of my favorites:
- Beis The Work Tote
- Marc Jacobs The Tote Bag
- Kate Spade Kitt Large Tote
- Free People Sid Slouchy Vegan Tote
- Tory Burch Ella Bio Tote
