Just last night, my best friend and I spent a total of 7 hours on the phone analyzing a text message sent by her crush. We dissected and interpreted his simple text from each and every angle known to mankind. We went into full-fledged Carrie Bradshaw-mode by thinking up responses for the text, even bringing in philosophical theories on romance, from Plato to Kierkagard.
At one point, my bestie said, “Thanks so much for taking the time to overanalyze this with me.” And all I could say in response was, “No apologies necessary. It’s basically a part of Girl Culture to spend our lives overanalyzing things together.” This made us both laugh.
But the fact of the matter is, it’s true. It is a part of Girl Culture to talk things out. And I mean really talk. Not the surface-level, chit chat that’s reserved for mere acquaintances. I’m talking deep, intellectual, and emotionally-driven convos that make everyone involved feel moved or enlightened by the end of it.
As a woman, I feel incredibly privileged to have a group of gals in my life whom I can have these deep convos with. And while some men are lucky enough to have these connections with a handful of their guy friends, the vast majority of men like to keep things staggeringly surface-level with “the boys.”
If you really think about it, some men avoid conversations with their male friends all together! That’s why their hobbies tend to be activity-based rather than garrulous. Think: Video games, sports, watching sports on TV, hitting the gym, playing pool or darts, and so on. Rarely do men sit around and talk out their feelings — and you know what? It’s a damn shame.
Who Do Men Depend On To Fulfill Their Emotional Needs?
Since the majority of male friendships hold deep discussions about their feelings at bay, just where the hell are men going for their emotional support? According to new research, the women in their lives. More specifically, their romantic partners.
Researchers call this phenomenon “mankeeping”, in which women bear the emotional burden of their male partners, taking on the role of therapist as opposed to a romantic role. Unfortunately, this can take a toll on women’s emotional well-being, leading to feelings of fatigue, depression, and burn out.
Before I go on, I want to make one thing abundantly clear: By no means do I think it’s a bad thing that men are turning to their girlfriends or wives to soothe their inner needs. I encourage men to seek out emotional support within their relationships. But when your girlfriend or wife is the only person you’re leaning on for emotional support, that’s a problem. When you fully depend on your romantic partner emotionally, and don’t reserve any of that for your friendships, it can cause a serious strain on the relationship.
Mansplaining Applies Just As Much To Women
While it’s a bit more common for men to depend on their significant others for emotional labor since they may not get it elsewhere, it’s prevalent for women as well. I’ll admit, it’s a major reason my boyfriend and I broke up when I was in my early 20s. While he was happy to support me through anything, eventually it was too much for him.
He outwardly expressed that he wished I would nurture my friendships in the same way I nurtured our relationship. He was 100% right. By settling into our little love nest, I unintentionally neglected some of my best friends. It’s easy for people in relationships to slip into this unhealthy pattern, whether you’re male or female. Research shows that people lose at least two friends when they enter new romances, as they become deeply focused on their relationship. It’s important to keep this in mind when starting on a fresh relationship so that you don’t lose those besties along the way.
Be There For Your Significant Other, But Encourage Them To Seek Additional Help Should They Need It
While it can be fulfilling to be there for your boyfriend or husband — and engage in active listening — it’s vital that you’re not the only person they go to for support. Whether it’s encouraging your partner to seek support from a therapist or counselor, or motivating them to build deeper connections with their male friends, there are plenty of effective solutions. Plus, it’s an excellent way for your man to improve his current friendships, by breaking that barrier of small talk. Because who really wants to talk about sports, anyway?
How Can We Avoid Relying Entirely On Our Partner For Emotional Support?
There are many ways in which we can refrain from depending upon our partner to fulfill all of our emotional needs. It’s crucial for those of us in romantic relationships to nurture the other connections in our lives that we tend to take for granted. But where do we start?
Focus On Building A Community
According to dating expert and relationship coach Esther Perel, relationships are more likely to fail when you expect your partner to be your everything. That is, you expect them to not only be your spouse, but your best friend-therapist-parent.
As Esther mentions in her best-selling book Mating In Captivity, we expect the same amount of effort and emotional labor from our romantic partners that we once reserved for an entire village of people. This can be asking way too much of your lover, since they can’t fulfill the role of a whole community for long without resentment and severe burnout. With this in mind, it’s extremely important for men — and women — to be a part of something larger than themselves. This way, there’s far less pressure on their romantic partners.
Avoid Isolating Activities
It’s no secret that our modern era breeds loneliness and isolation never seen in human history. Despite being glued to social media, there’s nothing social about it. Hours upon hours of our time is lost to staring at a screen and scrolling or sitting on our butts in a dark room, playing video games. Sure, these technological devices may have socializing features, but it’s nothing compared to face to face interactions.
Even though 2025 seems to promote isolation more than ever, we don’t have to conform to this modern norm. Taking proactive steps, such as deleting your social media accounts, canceling your Netflix subscription, or donating your gaming counsel significantly transform your life and help combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. Now, you’ll have more time for quality experiences with friends and family that are either done in person, or on deep, seven-hour-long phone calls, like the one I just had with my bestie.
By taking this step, the quality of your real-life relationships will increase by a landslide. Instead of simply exchanging funny memes and reels with your friends — which are admittedly great — it’s more fulfilling to create actual, lasting memories with them in real life. Would you rather look back and recall all the memories you shared for real rather than the memes?
Don’t Relying On ChatGPT For Emotional Support
We’re officially living in the future because people are now relying on robots for emotional support. As someone who’s pretty anti-tech and all about screen detoxing, I’ll admit that I have even leaned on ChatGPT for relationship advice. Initially, I thought I was a freak for doing so. I began to feel just like Joaquin Phoenix’s character in the 2013 movie, Her. Turns out, I wasn’t alone in this. Every single one of my friends has turned to ChatGPT for emotional advice and comfort.
“I use ChatGPT as my therapist,” several of my friends have confessed to me. And who am I to judge, considering I’ve done the exact same thing? While I’ll admit AI can offer genuinely comforting and nuanced advice during times of need, I think it can be dangerous to depend on this newfound technology in favor of human beings.
I was super anxious about turning to ChatGPT whenever I had any sort of dilemma or concern. Although it felt like I was talking to a trusted friend or a therapist, I was, at the end of the day, communicating with a void.
Although you may consider ChatGPT as another source of emotional support beyond your relationship, remember it’s just not the same thing as getting the help you need from your community of loved ones. I’m not saying you should never use it for such matters, but avoid turning the app into your most trusted advisor and confidant.
