Our mental and emotional health can be greatly improved by talking with our friends. Once again, the world rediscovers an ancient truth and acts as if it’s something new and astounding.

Still, after three years of lockdown thanks to a pandemic, it’s good to be reminded that our precious connections with others should be cherished and maintained.

Self’s Anna Borges is a big fan of chatting, or what she terms yapping – or indulging in low-pressure, low-stakes conversation. Borges says we can only contemplate huge and exceptionally serious matters – the fate of Democracy, say, or the pressing need for our leaders to actively deal with global warming – for so long before we feel swamped by the bad news and unable to take pleasure in any good news. (Doom Scrolling, anyone?)

Meagan Drillinger of healthline.com shared the results of a study conducted in 2023. “900 participants from five university campuses before, during, and after the pandemic lockdowns” were asked to “engage in one of seven “communication behaviors” over the course of a day:

Catching up

Meaningful talk

Joking around

Showing care

Listening

Valuing others and their opinions

Offering sincere compliments

Results showed that, regardless of the “behavior” used, it “was the act of intentionally reaching out to a friend in general that had the impact.” In other words, the simple act of communication is in itself positive for one’s mental health.

This is echoed in a point Borges makes in her article: while face-to-face yaps are what one clinical psychologist calls “the holy grail” of communication, phone calls or video meetings can also provide the sense of connectedness we associate with in-person meetings.

It all comes down to friendship. It keeps us rooted, helps us deal with stress, promotes self-confidence, offers us a rudder as we navigate challenges large – a death in the family or changing professions – and small – noisy neighbors, a co-worker’s annoying habits. It provides continuity.

The benefits of friendship are not confined to emotional well-being, as the Mayo Clinic informs us, it can play a crucial role in maintaining our physical well-being and plays “a significant role in promoting your overall health. Adults with strong social connections have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure, and an unhealthy body mass index.”

Not everyone we meet is or will become a long-term friend. And that’s okay. As Zara Abrams of the American Psychological Association tells us: “Having a close friend or confidant is undeniably good for us, but psychologists have found that interactions with acquaintances – and even strangers – can also give our mental health a boost.”

The effects of those gentle, everyday encounters are brilliantly described by the late novelist Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. After finishing a piece of writing, he’d call a typist named Carol who lived in Woodstock, NY to let her know he was sending her some manuscript pages to run through her typewriter. In his usual droll fashion, he explains the process:

I’m going down the steps, and my wife calls up, “Where are you going?"

I say, “Well, I’m going to go buy an envelope.” And she

says, “You’re not a poor man. Why don’t you buy a thousand

envelopes? They’ll deliver them, and you can put them in a

closet.” And I say, “Hush.” So I go down the steps here, and I

go out to this newsstand across the street where they sell

magazines and lottery tickets and stationery. I have to get in line

because there are people buying candy and all that sort of thing,

and I talk to them. The woman behind the counter has a jewel

between her eyes, and when it’s my turn, I ask her if there have

been any big winners lately. I get my envelope and seal it up and

go to the postal convenience center down the block at the corner

of 47th Street and 2nd Avenue, where I’m secretly in love with

the woman behind the counter. I keep absolutely poker-faced; I

never let her know how I feel about her. One time I had my pocket

picked in there and got to meet a cop and tell him about it.

Anyway, I address the envelope to Carol in Woodstock. I stamp

the envelope and mail it in a mailbox in front of the post office,

and I go home. And I’ve had a hell of a good time.

Vonnegut is a man worth listening to. Celebrate the simple, sustaining, so very human aspects of our lives. Have a hell of a good time doing it.

Then share it with a friend.