Unfortunately, not everyone is going to like your significant other. While the gossipers and naysayers of the world may get to you sometimes, the key is to try and hear out the people who matter most to you. If your loved ones are raising concerns about your partner, it may be good to listen.
Still, we all know relationships are hard, no matter who they involve. Friendships, family members, and significant others all demand different, sometimes contradictory, things from you. How a person may see your relationship on the outside may be a drastic divergence from your rose-tinted view of your lover. Yes, family members tend to be more judgmental about your chosen significant other, but friends can be just as protective. While a romantic relationship is a private thing, you should still feel free to involve your partner in your daily life and have them welcomed by your inner circle. A rocky relationship can cause strain on other parts of your life, and, if you’re reading this, it probably already has.
If your friends and/or family members are coming to you with concerns about your significant other, consider how they are addressing the matter. Are they speaking to you in a respectful and caring manner, or are they argumentative? If they are coming to you with love and concern instead of judgment, then maybe you should consider their concerns.
Listen
It’s easy to get defensive when someone speaks negatively about the person you’re devoted to. But remember, your family and friends have most likely been in your life much longer than your significant other. I know; you may believe your partner is the only one who really “gets you.” But if everyone you care about is addressing how they don’t like your partner, then take note. Try to hear them out, because they (should) have your best interest at heart. It may not seem like that in the heat of the moment, but by listening instead of being reactive and defensive, you could learn something that you may not have realized before.
Take a Step Back
No, that doesn’t mean take a break.
Begin by taking a few days for yourself. Are you and your significant other always together? Setting time aside for yourself to reflect on your dilemma could be just what you need. Think about what you truly want. Are you willing to risk your other relationships over this one person? Are they disrespectful towards your friends? Do they try to understand your complicated family dynamics? Do you truly want a partner who is making your loved ones feel bad or uncomfortable?
When you’re face-to-face again, try to look at your partner from a friend’s perspective. An outside point of view can reveal traits you may subconsciously turn a blind eye to. How self-involved are they? Do they act possessive around other people? Do they treat you in a healthy and respectful manner?
Consider the Pros and Cons
I know “pros and cons” can seem reductive, but writing what you find good and bad about your partner could help you visually lay out your wants and needs. If the cons outweigh the pros, that may put an end to your internal debate. If the pros balance out with the cons, it could be time to have a conversation with your partner about what is not only bugging other people in your life but are red flags you’ve been ignoring. Even if the pros outweigh the cons, those negative aspects could still be toxic traits that feed into what others may see as an unhealthy relationship.
Finally, recall what drew you to your partner in the first place. Outside of all the noise, you’re in love with this person—why? No one can fully understand your relationship, because they’re not in it. The intimate moments between you and your partner are irreplaceable and cherished. Re-evaluating your entire relationship is taxing and disheartening, but it may be necessary for your emotional health.
If you decide to try and make it work, be sure to communicate. Be open and honest with your partner by raising concerns that are affecting essential relationships in your life. When it comes to those other meaningful relationships, establish boundaries and try to find common ground. Try to relay how vital it is to respect one another. At the end of the day, you want to maintain healthy relationships; to do so you need to remind your friends, family, and significant other to value your happiness and life choices.
